With the Sun in Your Eyes
by entre-lagrimas-y-suspiros
Summary: Abbey/CJ Femslash. Episode addition to Manchester. Abbey convinces CJ not to leave.


Title: With the Sun in Your Eyes (1/1)

Fandom: West Wing

Pairing: Abbey/ CJ

Rating: PG

Word Count: 1, 148

Summary: Episode addition or redo, to Manchester 1 (I think).

With the Sun in Your Eyes

I leaned against the white fence, having left the meeting in the barn a few moments before. It had taken longer than I had expected and after four hours coup up in barn I was in desperate need of some alone time. Granted a long day's work usually makes me feel like this, but today was different. Today had simply been one of those days where everything seems to be against you. The type of day when even the one person or thing you relay on fails you.

Ok, so maybe picking her to be my port in the storm wasn't my finest moment especially seeing as how she belongs to someone else. She has also belonged to me though, even if it was only for a few moments at a time.

I wasn't supposed to relay on her like this, emotionally, but the knowledge of what I should or shouldn't do doesn't stop me. She makes me feel, I mean really feel. She makes me feel warm, safe, desire and desired, compassion, happiness…she makes me feel more than anyone. Of course there was no way in preventing me from feeling one more thing…love. I love her.

I love her. I trust her. I relay on her. Today, she failed me.

She failed me because sometimes she forgets what she has made me feel, and so she can hurt and disappoint me without even meaning to. That was certainly the case today.

She's angry with him, like the rest of us. She's angry that his running for reelection, for breaking his promise to her. I understand. I just wish she understood that he lied to us too, that we're angry with him too. Only difference is we can't yell at him, we can't give him the third degree.

"Everyone's sitting down for dinner."

I listen to her, wondering why she isn't in there too but then I remember she's angry with him.

"What are you doing out here CJ?"

I see her lean against the fence facing me. She's pure Abbey, no fancy clothes, no fake smiles, no perfect hair; all of it striped away leaving inquisitive hazel eyes and a small woman wearing a funny looking plaid shirt. She's perfect.

"I'm not great company today." I'm hoping she leaves as much as I'm hoping she'll stay.

"Neither am I."

The tone of her voice makes me wonder if it's an apology, but I doubt it. Abbey like her husband doesn't apologize. No matter how wrong they are.

Not being able to tell her what I think of her non-apology apology I lean further on the fence aligning my body with hers so I can only see her out of the corner of my eye.

Her response is to turn around so she is facing setting sun as well. "I shouldn't have denied you cider."

That sounds more like an apology so I take it, letting her soft tone color the words making them into a real apology. "Yeah, maybe I shouldn't have said anything about the unnamed sources."

"You were only doing your job." She's closer to me now, our shoulders pressing together.

"Only a few more days and then its over." I haven't told anyone but Leo, but right now I need to tell her. I need to fill her in. Being left in the dark isn't great and having just experience it with the president I don't want to do it to her. "I'm resigning."

She turns us around, hands on my shoulders, until were facing each other and then folds me into her arms. "No."

"Abbey, I have to." I hold onto her bringing us closer and enjoying closeness despite the gravity of the conversation.

"No, I need you here."

"I messed up. I can't stay."

I step away and return to leaning on the fence, watching the sun as it slipped over the horizon. It was then with the setting sun in my eyes that she spoke the most important words I've ever heard.

"CJ, I _need _you."

I look at her surprised, which turns to shock at her teary eyes. "Please, don't say that just to make me stay."

"I not."

She looks back towards the farmhouse before turning towards me again and standing on her toes presses her lips to mine. It's been a while since the last time we were alone together, a few months, and I've missed it. I've missed her like this. I've missed loosing myself in her smell, her taste, and her eyes. The thought of giving her up for good kills me but I don't want to stay for an affair, I've always wanted more from Abbey.

"I'm saying it because it's true." She tells me as she pulls away glancing at the farmhouse again.

I want to tell her I love her. When she's like this…gentle and honest, all I want to do is tell her I love her over and over again but I never do. She isn't ready for that. So, I use her words. "I need you too, Abbey."

"Then stay. Stay another four years. Just four more years, CJ."

Just four more years, after six years that had already come before another four doesn't sound too long. I would be doing the job I love, for a man I respect and love, spending my days with the people that have become my family, and waiting for Abbey to call and say we have a few hours. It's not bad when I think about it. It's not ideal, or honest really, but it's not bad.

"Four years."

Through still watery eyes she smiles, "Then I wouldn't be first lady anymore and no one will care what I do. No one will care if I get divorce. No one will bat an eyelash if I suddenly turn out to be a lesbian."

"Bi." I put in nonchalantly, as if I wasn't having a life altering conversation.

"Whatever." She shakes her head at my flippancy and then looks serious. "Stay."

"I don't know Abbey, it's not just about us. It's my job."

"A job you love." Abbey pins me with her eyes. "Stay."

I sigh and nod, accepting that I can't leave the job I love and the woman I love. "We should go in." I tell her reminding her and myself that this is what we have to look forward to, another four years of mincing words, looking over our shoulders, and stolen moments. Still it's not an eternity, and I finally know she wants more from me too.

"Yes we should, you have to try the cider." She smiles again.

I do the same, thinking that in four years no one would care that Abigail Anne Barrington needs me and after that I'll have a lifetime of perfect moments to tell her I love her.

FIN.


End file.
